Howard, the oldest of the bunch at 30, got the boot, and precious little sympathy with it. In the elimination round, where the last-placed duo had to apply liquid chrome lipstick to their models, the judges didn’t even pretend to wrestle with their decision. It was quite obvious which trainee MUAs, or Make Up Artists, were flagging. One thing the show has in its favour is an absence of fake suspense. I can’t imagine it’s ideal for a night out, though it ought to ensure you get a table in a busy restaurant - the other diners would run out screaming. Urged to reveal a secret with facepaints, one artist covered her scalp in ping pong balls like plague buboes and sprayed her face with fake blood, to express her hidden anxieties. The results of the next round were distinctly sci-fi. Perhaps that’s coming back into style - the Even Newer Romantics. The rest went for lashings of pink eyeliner and neon lipstick, a look I last remember in Duran Duran videos of the 1980s. Those who had seen the show were at an advantage. Their first challenge was to make up actresses for a ballroom scene on Bridgerton, the steamy Regency drama on Netflix. Whether they are meant to be beauticians or special effects artists is never clear. Not so the ten contestants, who vie to create the most outlandish effects in powder and paint. The show’s latest presenter, Leomie Anderson, replacing Maya Jama, wisely keeps her make-up understated. And these are the people, we’re meant to believe, who know what a perfect face looks like. Dominic Skinner has waxed his moustache into Poirot spirals and dyed his eyebrows pink. Val Garland wears Joe 90 goggles moulded to her cheekbones. Not so the ten contestants, who vie to create the most outlandish effects in powder and paint

Never a Gentleman by Eileen Dreyer